Mother prioritizes new husband and stepdaughter over bio son his whole life, he chooses to have his wedding away from them, causing family tension: “Your choice is a punishment”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Apr 15, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

In life, we're given many choices. Sometimes too many choices become overwhelming to the point where it's actually not even possible to feel content with your decision. If you're given two ice cream flavors to choose from, it should be easy to decide. If you're given 10, it can be exciting on the surface, but less manageable deep down. And if you're given 100 flavors to choose from, then it's obvious you'll never actually get to the bottom of it. You'll continually second guess yourself and keep retrying flavors, doubt and uncertainty creeping into your mind the whole time. 

Obviously choosing children isn't akin to ice cream flavors, but some people may treat it as such. When you have multiple children, it's not impossible that you'd have a favorite. It can become even more difficult if you have stepchildren. One may assume that a bio kid will come first, but it's not always the case. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a man who has felt as if his mother chose his stepsister over him his entire life. She follows in her husband's footsteps, until the protagonist is old enough to make decisions for only himself. Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITA for choosing to get married where I live and not where my mom lives to be accessible for her and her husband to bring my stepsister?

    "Your mom has chosen Dan and his daughter over you"
    via Jeremy Wong from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Maybe I (29m) will come across as an a hole and I'm here to face if I am or not. Let me begin with some background. My dad died when I was 6 and it was just me and my mom for a few years before she met Dan. Dan was okay and they got married a little over a year after they met. I was 11. A few months after my mom and Dan got
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 03
    married, Dan's ex said she wanted to move with their daughter to another state. Instead of saying no and fighting it Dan and my mom decided we would move to follow them and that had us moving 8 times in 5 years just so he could follow his daughter around. He never fought it in court and they uprooted me every time too.
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 04
    I was resentful as h I. I was away from the rest of my family and chasing after a stepsister I didn't really care if I never saw again. I know my mom cared and Dan cared and they were married. But I felt so unsettled when we never knew how long we'd stay and Dan even admitted his ex didn't want us nearby so she'd keep moving when she could.
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 05
    But then my stepsister and her mom were in an accident. Her mom was mostly fine but my stepsister was left with life altering injuries and became dis ed to the point that she needs around the clock care. Dan and my mom put down roots in the last location and
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 06
    ended up with custody of my stepsister. They have devoted their time to caring for her. While I moved when I turned 18. This was a source of tension between me and Dan because he had expected me to be there for his daughter and to one day take over her care. But I told him that would never be me. It made my mom sad to be
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10493577984
    via CalypsoArt from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    away from me and she and I argued over my choice to leave and to hold a grudge against their decision to move so much. She argued about wanting to keep the family together while I pointed out she tore me away from mine and removed my stability.
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 09
    I started dating my fiancée a decade ago and we got engaged last year. Our wedding is this year and we sent out some save the dates with some details on it for everyone. My mom called and acted surprised that I was getting married in town where I live instead of where she and Dan are living.
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 10
    She told me my stepsister could not do that kind of commute and how did I expect them to be there. I told her if they could not make it I would understand but my life was here and this is where I would get married. Dan called to tell me how selfish I am and how fed it is to choose to marry somewhere my stepsister can't access. He said it
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 11
    would have been no big deal for me to go there for one day to get married. I hung up the phone on him because I didn't want to listen to like that.
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 12
    My mom has brought the topic up some more and I told her I was not traveling just for them to be able to go. She got upset and asked me if I really felt okay with my only sibling not being there. I told her she didn't want to hear my honest response to that but yes I'm okay with Dan's daughter not being there. I said I can live without her
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 13
    there if she's just going to come and tell me how I should've gotten married where she lives.
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 14
    She said it feels like my choice is a punishment for their decision to follow Dan's ex and daughter when we were younger and how she doesn't think that's entirely fair and especially not to my stepsister. AITA?
    via u/Safe_Tonight7920
  • 15
    StrangledInMoonlight Oh honey. I am so sorry. Your mom has continually chosen Dan and Dan's daughter over you.
    via u/StrangledInMoonlight
  • 16
    And here she is, once again prioritizing them. That s ks. I hope your mom makes it. But even if she doesn't, I hope you have a wonderful wedding, and I wish you all the best in life.
    via u/StrangledInMoonlight
  • 17
    SpiteWestern6739 NTA, just because your mum chose her step daughter over you doesn't mean you also need to prioritise her over your own well being, your mum and Dan are huge ah les who seemingly only. see you as a potential carer for Dan's daughter
    via u/SpiteWestern6739
  • 18
    Cheezburger Image 10493577728
    via Space_Cat from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    Prior_Incident344 You had to move around to suit them now they can move for one day to your wedding. Why should all your other guests where you live have to travel to another town. They didn't consider your needs in the past - you certainly are NTA.
    via u/Prior_Incident344
  • 20
    TheL... NTA. You can tell that your mom knew she was wrong for uprooting you so much as a child. Her response is an admission of her neglect.
    via u/TheLastWord63
  • 21
    SugarPlum Whimsy It's your wedding, and you shouldn't have to cater to their past decisions or make huge sacrifices just to accommodate someone who hasn't been a big part of your life. You've already
    via u/SugarPlum Whimsy
  • 22
    compromised enough by trying to keep the family together, but your day should reflect your choices, not their expectations.
    via u/SugarPlum Whimsy
  • 23
    Cryptographer Hot8... NTA. This is your life, your city, your wedding. They put you second many times - now you're putting yourself first. That's fair.
    via u/CryptographerHot8398

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